1253: Existential Anxiety: Why So Many Of Us Feel Lost Overwhelmed And Emotionally Exhausted

Gina Ryan (0:00): Starting something new isn't just hard. It's vulnerable. When I started hosting this podcast, I had all the classic fears. What if no one listens? What if I fail?

Gina Ryan (0:11): What if I'm just talking into the void? But here's what I know now. Growth doesn't come from certainty. It comes from support. And that's what I love about platforms like Shopify.

Gina Ryan (0:22): They're built for people who have an idea but don't wanna get lost in the tech. Shopify helps you create a store that actually reflects your brand even if design isn't your thing. They help you reach the right people with email and social tools that don't feel overwhelming. And if you hit a wall, their award winning customer support is there twenty four seven. Because building something meaningful is hard enough, you shouldn't have to do it without backup.

Gina Ryan (0:53): Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/coaches. Go to shopify.com/coaches. That's shopify.com/coaches.

Unknown (1:22): Welcome to the anxiety coaches podcast, a relaxing and informative show where we explore anxiety, panic, and PTSD, sharing how you can overcome them for life.

Gina Ryan (1:38): Aloha. Welcome back to the anxiety coaches podcast. I'm your host and coach, Gina Ryan, and I am so happy to be with you again today as together we can consider the many ways to bring your mind and body back to its natural peace and calm. I'm starting off today's episode with a quote from a favorite mystic and poet of mine. Thomas Merton said, You do not need to know precisely what is happening or exactly where it is all going.

Gina Ryan (2:16): What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope. Again, that's from Thomas Merton, and it will really help us ground into what today's episode is about. We're gonna be talking about something that sounds kinda big and philosophical, but, honestly, it's something many people quietly struggle with at 2AM when you're laying in bed and you can't sleep, and that's existential anxiety or what is sometimes called existential angst. And before we even begin, I want you to take a breath and remember what Merton said. Right?

Gina Ryan (3:12): We need to embrace the present moment with courage, faith, and hope. We got this. Because if you've been feeling unsettled lately, questioning your life, if you've been wondering what you're doing, if you've been feeling disconnected or overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, or even asking yourself questions like this. What's the point? Why does everything feel so strange lately?

Gina Ryan (3:46): Where do I fit anymore? And who even am I now? If you've been having those questions or feelings or thoughts, you are not alone, and you are not broken. In many ways, this is a deeply human experience. Now existential anxiety is not new.

Gina Ryan (4:12): Human beings have wrestled with these questions forever. But I do think modern life has amplified it dramatically. We are living in a world of nonstop stimulation. We have constant news, constant comparison. We're constantly scrolling.

Gina Ryan (4:35): We have constant pressure to optimize ourselves. Right? Well, have you heard of the latest hacks? And we are also always trying to improve ourselves and to perform as we are living. And underneath all that noise, many people are quietly carrying this vague but persistent feeling that something is off, a kind of emotional restlessness.

Gina Ryan (5:07): It's not necessarily a feeling of panic, and it's not necessarily feeling like you're depressed, but a lingering feeling of I don't quite feel grounded in my life. And sometimes that turns into anxiety that feels hard to explain. You might even notice things like racing thoughts, feeling tired and wired at the same time. Does that sound familiar? How about a sense of dread without knowing exactly why?

Gina Ryan (5:44): Maybe you're questioning everything. Maybe you're feeling emotionally untethered. You could be overthinking your purpose, your choices, and your future. All of this can feel like anxiety about everything and at the same time about nothing all at once. And that's what makes existential anxiety so difficult sometimes.

Gina Ryan (6:14): There often isn't one obvious problem to solve. It's more like your mind is circling around the biggest questions of being human. Why am I here? What matters? Am I wasting my life?

Gina Ryan (6:33): What if I never figure it all out? What if things never feel meaningful again? And because these questions are so big, the nervous system can interpret them as danger. But here's the important thing I want you to remember and hear clearly today. The questioning itself is not the problem.

Gina Ryan (6:58): It's our relationship to the questioning that creates our suffering. There is nothing wrong with contemplating your life. Not at all. It's important. There is nothing wrong with wanting meaning, nothing wrong with wondering who you are becoming, and nothing wrong with realizing that the way you've been living may no longer be a fit for you.

Gina Ryan (7:28): In fact, sometimes these questions arise because something inside of you is beginning to wake up. Something deeper may be trying to emerge. Years ago, when I worked with clients recovering from eating disorders, I noticed something fascinating. As clients began healing, really healing, not just physically but emotionally, the whole thing, there would often come a point when they suddenly felt deeply unsettled. They were doing really well.

Gina Ryan (8:08): They think they're making a lot of progress. We think they're making a lot of progress. And all of a sudden, they feel like they were falling apart. But what was actually happening was this. They were beginning to move beyond survival mode, beyond rigid coping mechanisms, beyond the identity that they had clung to.

Gina Ryan (8:36): And underneath all that came the bigger human questions. Who am I? What do I want? What kind of life do I wanna live? What matters to me now?

Gina Ryan (8:53): And while it felt terrifying to them at the time, it was often a sign of growth. It was expansion, like a cracking open, and I think many people are in that place right now. The old ways of living aren't working anymore. You know what I mean? The endless hustle, the constant distraction, the easy distractions, the emotional numbing, whatever your favorite way was, the pressure to appear okay all the time, especially on social media.

Gina Ryan (9:36): People are exhausted. Do you feel that? Because underneath that exhaustion is often a longing for something more real, something more meaningful that could be more connected and more peaceful. Before we begin, let's hear from the sponsors that support the show. June always feels like a reset for me.

Gina Ryan (10:05): There's more sunshine, more hydration, more focus on wellness. And lately, I've been thinking a lot more about the quality of my water. Did you know that three out of four US homes have toxic chemicals in their tap water? Even water that looks clear can contain things like lead, chlorine, forever chemicals, and microplastics. That's why I use Aqua Tru.

Gina Ryan (10:29): Aqua Tru is a countertop purifier certified to remove 84 contaminants, including a powerful four stage reverse osmosis system that goes way beyond ordinary filters, and there's no plumbing or installation required. I bet that surprised you. It's been featured in Business Insider, Popular Science, and named best countertop water filter by Good Housekeeping. Plus, 98 of customers say their water is cleaner, safer, and healthier. Head to aquatru.com now and get 20% off your purifier using promo code ACP.

Gina Ryan (11:07): Aqua Tru even comes with a thirty day best tasting water guarantee or your money back. Take the guesswork out of pure, great tasting water with this exclusive podcast only offer now at aquatru.com, aquatru.com, using promo code ACP. As summer starts, I've been thinking a lot about creating a calm, comfortable home environment, and clean air is a big part of that for me. I found Air Doctor online after moving into a different climate, and now it's the only air purifier I use in my home. This June especially, I've loved how fresh the house feels, I've and had far less sneezing during pollen season.

Gina Ryan (11:50): Air Doctor uses a powerful three stage filtration system that captures ultra fine particles about 100 times smaller than typical purifiers can remove, including pollen and the mold spores, pet dander, smoke, odors, bacteria, viruses, and VOCs. It's so quiet and it automatically adjusts throughout the day and even gives filter change reminders. No wonder 98% of customers say their air feels cleaner, safer, and healthier, and why it earned Newsweek's Reader's Choice Award for best air purifier. Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code ACP to get up to $300 off today. Air Doctor comes with a thirty day money back guarantee plus a three year warranty an $84 value free.

Gina Ryan (12:44): Get this exclusive podcast only offer now at airdoctorpro.com, airdoctorpro.com using promo code ACP. If you're traveling this summer, here's a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, why not try Babbel now? I love the idea of being able to actually connect with people when you travel.

Gina Ryan (13:17): Even just knowing a few phrases can completely change the experience. And Babbel makes it feel doable because the lessons are short, they're practical, and they're focused on real conversations, not memorizing giant vocabulary lists or complicated verb charts. You're learning the kinds of things you could actually say ordering dinner or your decaf coffee or asking for directions in chatting with locals. Plus, lessons are designed by more than 200 language experts and can fit into your real life during your breaks, commutes, or even before bed. Just ten minutes a day with Babel can really start to help you have real conversations in as little as three weeks.

Gina Ryan (14:01): If you've got summer travel coming up, now is the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babbel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com/acp. That's Babbel, b a b b e l, dot com slash a c p for up to 60% off. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Gina Ryan (14:25): But here's where we have to be careful because the anxious mind loves to pull us out of the present moment. Right? It drags us backwards into regret like I should have done this. I wasted so much time in my life. I am not getting anywhere if I had only chosen differently, or it throws us forward into fear.

Gina Ryan (14:51): What if everything falls apart? What if I never figure this all out? And what if it's too late And the mind can get stuck there for hours, especially at 2AM. It can get stuck there for days. Sometimes it gets stuck there for years.

Gina Ryan (15:15): So when you notice yourself spiraling into the past or the future, I want you to practice something very gentle. Instead of fighting the thought, we know that doesn't work. Instead of arguing with it, again, we've tried that. It doesn't work. It only makes the fear dig in deeper.

Gina Ryan (15:39): Instead of trying to solve your entire existence at midnight or 2AM, just pause and say, isn't that interesting? That simple phrase creates space. It's a neutral phrase. It helps you step out of the tug of war with your mind because anxiety feeds on resistance. The more we wrestle with every thought, the stronger those thoughts become.

Gina Ryan (16:12): But when we notice the thought without immediately believing it or panicking about it, something softens. Now this doesn't mean we become passive, and it doesn't mean that we stop caring about our lives. Not at all. It means we stop treating every fearful thought as an emergency. The truth here is your power is always in the present moment, not in replaying the past.

Gina Ryan (16:44): Of course, we can learn from the past. Right? We can learn what we maybe did and don't wanna continue to do, where we bumped into a wall and we wanna kind of find our way in the middle of that hallway. Right. We don't want to replay the past.

Gina Ryan (17:04): We wanna learn from it, and we don't want to be stuck in rehearsing the catastrophic futures. We know that the mind easily goes there. Anybody listening to this show has already got a great imagination about all the catastrophic events that can possibly happen in the future. Well, we don't wanna be there. We wanna go to where our power is, which is in the present moment.

Gina Ryan (17:34): It's right here, right here with me, you and me, right here, right now. This breath, this room that you're in, this moment. And I know that sounds super simple, but simple does not mean easy, especially in today's world where our attention is constantly being pulled away from ourselves. This is why practices that ground our nervous system matter so much now. We're often looking for the gold ring or the silver bullet, but what works here are the simple practices that keep us grounded and in the present moment or at least coming back to the present moment over and over again.

Gina Ryan (18:28): And these things are like meditation, journaling, walking outside without your phone, quiet moments, whatever you like, prayer, breathing, being out in nature, creating something, listening deeply when you are in conversation, and resting without guilt. These are not luxuries anymore. These are stabilizers for our human minds. One of the most powerful practices I still recommend is simply learning to sit quietly with yourself for a few minutes each day. Not to become perfect at meditating and not to clear your mind or not have any thoughts, but to slowly teach your nervous system, I am safe enough to be here now.

Gina Ryan (19:30): To be with yourself. You are your best resource. You really are, but you have to get used to being with yourself, learning about yourself. And how can you learn about yourself if you don't spend some time with yourself? You want to teach your nervous system through this that you are safe enough to be here now.

Gina Ryan (20:00): Even five or ten minutes can begin changing your relationship with your anxiety and your relationship with being alone with yourself. You don't even have to be alone in your house. You can just be in your own room looking out the window. And being there present with yourself consciously is going to begin to change your relationship with yourself and therefore your relationship with your anxiety. Another beautiful simple practice is journaling, especially gratitude journaling.

Gina Ryan (20:42): Now I have a lot of episodes about journaling and some specific to gratitude journaling, so check those out. But for now, I want you to know that sometimes people hear that and think, oh, no. Not another gratitude journal because it's somewhat popular now, but hear me out. The anxious brain naturally scans for danger. Right?

Gina Ryan (21:07): It fixates on problems. That's why we're big survivors. We're doing good. It searches for what's wrong to keep us safe, and gratitude gently retrains the mind to also notice what is nourishing, what is helpful, what is good, what is beautiful, what is meaningful, and what is quietly supporting you. And over time, you begin to notice patterns when you keep a gratitude journal.

Gina Ryan (21:41): The same things bringing you peace again and again, maybe with a little bit of a different variation. Maybe it's a walk outside, a conversation with a friend, music, animals, creativity, helping others, stillness, learning, connection. Notice these things as you keep them in your journal. Sometimes hidden inside those moments are clues about what matters to you most. Not necessarily one giant life purpose, but meaningful directions.

Gina Ryan (22:20): And, honestly, I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to find one grand purpose. Maybe meaning is built in smaller ways than we think. Maybe our life meaning is created through presence, through kindness, through showing up day after day as we do, through loving people well, and through moments of real connection whenever we can find them. Maybe a meaningful life is not something you finally achieve. Maybe it's something you practice one moment at a time.

Gina Ryan (23:03): So if you've been struggling with existential anxiety lately, please know this. You are not feeling it life because you are questioning it. Questioning can be a part of awakening. It's a part of healing. It's a part of becoming more conscious, part of discovering what truly matters to you.

Gina Ryan (23:28): Don't just let the anxious mind convince you that every uncomfortable question needs an immediate answer. Some of these questions are meant to be lived gently over time. And maybe that's enough for today just to breathe and slow down a little bit to come back to this present moment and to let yourself be human. And remember, you do not have to solve your entire existence tonight. I know the anxious mind wants to do that.

Gina Ryan (24:04): Believe me. I get it. But remember, you don't have to solve your entire existence tonight. The meaning of life is not always found in certainty. Sometimes it's found in presence, in connection, and in learning how to fully inhabit the life we already have.

Gina Ryan (24:28): Thank you so much for being here with me today. I really feel honored to spend time with you. Please take care of yourself, and I'll be back before you know it. And now for today's quote. We can't calm the storm, so stop trying.

Gina Ryan (24:55): What we can do is calm ourselves. The storm will pass. And that's from Timber Hawkeye. I'll be back in a few more days with another podcast. Until then, be well, and aloha.

Unknown (25:13): Thanks so much for joining us for today's episode of the anxiety coaches cast. Find more information at the anxietycoachespodcast.com.