1260: You Are Not Behind: Healing Time Anxiety From Within

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Gina Ryan (1:07): Welcome to the anxiety coaches podcast, a relaxing and informative show where we explore anxiety, panic, and PTSD, sharing how you can overcome them for life.

Unknown Speaker (1:23): Aloha. Welcome back to the anxiety coaches es Podcast. I'm your host and coach, Gina Ryan, and I am so happy to be with you again today as together we can consider the many ways to bring your mind and body back to its natural peace and calm. In today's episode, I'm talking about time. Yes.

Unknown Speaker (1:47): I'm talking about time, but, really, what I'm getting to is urgency. And urgency is what sits underneath so much of our anxiety. I was looking over some notes that I had written about time pressure for a show about ten years ago. And, boy, have things changed. I want you to think about what you were doing ten years ago and how different things are now.

Unknown Speaker (2:17): Have you ever noticed how it seems like life keeps speeding up? It's not just your imagination. Many of us feel far more pressure around time today than we did even ten years ago. We're living in a world of constant notifications, endless information, and the expectation that we're always available. That's the one that really gets me, that expectation that we can be reached and expected to be on anytime, always available.

Unknown Speaker (2:53): I remember back in the day where we felt like the phone would not stop ringing. Right? The phone in the house that was attached to the wall. And so we would go for a drive, get out of the house, go take a break. And now what do we do?

Unknown Speaker (3:09): We take that phone with us. Can't even go for a ride around the lake without having ourselves, at least our nervous system feeling that we're still available. We're still available to the world. And our attention is pulled in so many different directions that our nervous systems rarely get a chance to truly rest. And then there's social media where we're constantly exposed to everyone else's highlight reel of their life.

Unknown Speaker (3:43): It can quietly leave us feeling like we're behind, like we should have accomplished more, healed faster, earned more money, or somehow be further along in life than we are. On top of that, many of us have become conditioned to reach for our phones every few minutes, looking for the next message, update, or a little hit of stimulation. Before long, slowing down can actually feel uncomfortable. It's no wonder so many anxious people feel like they're racing through their days while somehow never feeling caught up. Today, I'd like to explore our relationship with time, not how to manage it better, but how to loosen the grip that urgency has on our nervous system.

Unknown Speaker (4:42): Because sometimes the greatest source of stress isn't that we don't have enough time, It's the belief that we're always running out of it. I actually think this topic is even more relevant today than it was ten years ago when I was scribbling those notes. Back then, time stress was largely about being busy. Today, it's also about constant accessibility, information overload, comparison culture, endless notifications, and the feeling that we're always behind. When you think about your inbox and your email, that's enough right there to make you feel like you're always behind.

Unknown Speaker (5:33): Yeah. You got it cleaned up yesterday, and then ten minutes later, it was filling up again. I think you guys can really relate. You know, anxiety isn't usually caused by the clock. It's caused by the story of our anxious mind telling us what is true about the clock.

Unknown Speaker (5:58): So some of the things that drive anxiety isn't always our trauma or health worries or panic. Sometimes it's simply the feeling that we're running out of time. Not enough time. Have you ever said that to yourself? I've got too much to do.

Unknown Speaker (6:19): I'm already behind. Or I'm late in life, late in the day. I'm late in my healing. Many anxious people don't just race through life. They race against life.

Unknown Speaker (6:36): This is about our relationship with life and the clock. The clock becomes something we're fighting instead of simply living alongside. You know, we really have a strange relationship with time if you think about it. Listen to the language we use. We say things like time flies or I'm running out of time.

Unknown Speaker (7:04): You think about these things like, I wanna chuckle right now because they're they're kind of funny because time just is. It doesn't really fly. But we say these things. We say, I don't have time. I'm wasting time.

Unknown Speaker (7:23): How about this one? I'm killing time. Time is money. I'm behind time. I'm late.

Unknown Speaker (7:33): I'm trying to catch up. Boy, I know that one. Almost every phrase that I just mentioned suggests that time is something chasing us or something that we're failing to control. No wonder our nervous system stay activated. Our language reflects our beliefs, and our anxiety makes time feel different.

Unknown Speaker (8:04): One thing anxiety rarely gets credit for, it completely distorts our experience of time. When we're anxious, five minutes can feel like forever. Waiting becomes unbearable. Healing feels painfully slow, and small delays feel catastrophic. Think of traffic.

Unknown Speaker (8:34): Right? We constantly scan the future. What's happening is we stop living today because our mind has already traveled into tomorrow. We have, like, an invisible deadline. This is something I see encroaching all the time.

Unknown Speaker (8:57): People aren't just worried. They're worried about how long they've been worried. I should be over this, they say to me. I've been anxious for two years. They have time frame on it.

Unknown Speaker (9:13): Why isn't this working yet? I'm running out of time. The anxiety about anxiety creates a whole other layer of suffering. Sometimes the greatest pressure isn't the anxiety itself. It's the deadline we've unconsciously placed on our healing.

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Unknown Speaker (15:31): Living in constant urgency tells our nervous system we are not safe. It doesn't matter whether the threat is a tiger or 30 unread emails. The body often responds similarly. Long term stress has been associated with things in our health such as our blood pressure, our sleep, our digestion, our immune function, our concentration, irritability, our increased inflammation, hormonal changes, not to mention anxiety and depression as illnesses or, diagnosis, burnout, and feeling emotionally numb. All of those come about when urgency becomes our normal state.

Unknown Speaker (16:24): Our nervous system forgets what enough feels like. Think of that word, enough. I was walking yesterday, and I was thinking, oh, I gotta get back because I have a deadline. I wanted to finish recording. And I thought about that word, and I said, no.

Unknown Speaker (16:48): I'm gonna move that word out of my vocabulary. It makes you sound like you've oh my goodness. It's it's a deadline. No. There is enough time.

Unknown Speaker (16:59): There is enough space. It will get done. Have you ever noticed that we mistake hurry for productivity? I am smiling over here. This is a real modern trap.

Unknown Speaker (17:15): We think if I hurry, then I'll have time, and I can finally relax. Except there's always one more thing. The finish line keeps moving. And who is it that's moving it? We are.

Unknown Speaker (17:33): Many anxious people have learned to live in perpetual preparation instead of participation. Think about that. Are you always just getting ready, or are you actually doing? Always getting ready, rarely arriving. Our nervous system loves rhythm, not rush.

Unknown Speaker (18:00): You know, I've often talked about just slowing down, whether you're slowing down your walking or you're driving or whatever it is you're doing can actually be a signal to your nervous system that there is not a dangerous situation happening. This is an idea I think you will really appreciate. Nature doesn't hurry. Think about that for a second. Trees don't rush in the spring.

Unknown Speaker (18:29): The sun isn't late. That one made me laugh too. Really, the ocean tides don't apologize. Our nervous systems evolved with rhythms just like the trees blooming in spring and the sun rising and the tides moving. Our nervous systems evolve just like those rhythms, not notifications.

Unknown Speaker (19:01): Our breathing, walking, sleeping, our eating, resting, and connection. The more we synchronize with rhythms instead of racing the clock, the calmer our bodies become. I think that planning isn't the problem at all. Often people will say to me, you know, well, how can you live in the present moment? Right?

Unknown Speaker (19:31): You have to think about the future. And people often misunderstand present moment living. It doesn't mean never planning. It doesn't mean forgetting the past. Planning is healthy.

Unknown Speaker (19:45): Remembering beautiful moments from our past is wonderful and healthy. The suffering comes from rehearsing disaster or replaying regret. As it's often attributed to the Buddha, he said, when walking, walk. When eating, eat. Or as I have said before, when you're planning, then simply plan.

Unknown Speaker (20:16): If you're remembering, simply remember. The mind suffers when it tries to live everywhere except for here. So I wanna talk now about four places that we lose the present. I like organizing it in this way and see if it resonates with you. We leave the present through these four doors.

Unknown Speaker (20:46): Regret. The door of regret is I should have. Guilt. The door of guilt says, I shouldn't have. Fear.

Unknown Speaker (21:00): The door of fear says, what if? And urgency. The door of urgency says, I have to hurry. Notice that none of those are happening now. So let's entertain a different question.

Unknown Speaker (21:21): Instead of asking how do I get more time, ask how do I experience this moment more fully? Because the truth is we rarely need more time. What we need more of is presence. We need more presence. We need to be in the moment that we are in, not more time.

Unknown Speaker (21:53): Present stretches time in a way that anxiety never can. And here's a small practice for time anxiety that you can do anywhere, anytime. When you notice yourself rushing, pause. Take one slow breath. Look around.

Unknown Speaker (22:19): Feel your feet. And ask yourself, what actually needs my attention right now? Not this afternoon, not next month, not after I've healed, but right now. Then give your full attention to that one thing. Just one.

Unknown Speaker (22:45): This is actually an informal meditation. No cushion required. No extra thirty minutes. No perfect morning routine. Just one conscious breath.

Unknown Speaker (23:01): One conscious choice repeated many times throughout the day. Those moments begin to retrain the nervous system when we string them together. I have a gentle reminder for you, and this is one that I hope you will remember. The anxious mind believes if I hurry enough, I'll finally feel safe. But the healing mind learns I can feel safe enough to stop hurrying.

Unknown Speaker (23:40): Those are two completely different ways that we can live our lives. If you've been feeling behind, being behind in life, behind in healing, behind everyone else, I wanna leave you with this. You haven't missed your life. You're living it right now. This breath, this conversation, this moment, you are hearing me.

Unknown Speaker (24:12): Healing isn't found somewhere out ahead. It begins the moment we stop racing toward a future version of ourselves and gently return to the life that's already here. I'm so grateful that you spent time with me today. Anxiety can feel heavy, but when you meet it with compassion instead of criticism, you lighten the load. If you found this helpful, consider passing it along to a friend or leaving a review.

Unknown Speaker (24:50): It helps others find us and feel supported too. Until next time, may you be safe, may you be calm, and may you be free from fear. And now for today's quote. Life is available only in the present moment, And that's from Thich Nhat Hanh. I'll be back in a few more days with another podcast.

Unknown Speaker (25:21): Until then, be well and aloha.

Gina Ryan (25:26): Thanks so much for joining us for today's episode of the anxiety coaches podcast. Find more information at the anxietycoachespodcast.com.

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