1238: Is Negativity Keeping You Anxious How To Gently Shift It

Erin Moon (0:00): Are you the type of person who when I say in conclusion, no one knows or be suspicious of your certainty, you just take a little breath of fresh air? Or maybe you feel like this describes your faith journey. I'm Erin Moon, one of the hosts and resident bible scholar over at Faith Adjacent, the podcast that is unwavering in its pursuit to have spiritually abutting conversations that straddle the line between sacred and sacrilege. New Faith Adjacent episodes drop every Thursday, and you can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

Unknown Speaker (0:41): Welcome to the anxiety coaches podcast, a relaxing and informative show where we explore anxiety, panic, and PTSD, sharing how you can overcome them for life.

Gina Ryan (0:57): Aloha. Welcome back to the Anxiety Coaches Podcast. I'm your host and coach, Gina Ryan, and I am so happy to be with you again today as together we can consider the many ways to bring your mind and body back to its natural peace and calm. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about something that touches all of us, something very human and something I'm sure you don't like, and that is negativity. And in these three episodes today and then the next two episodes, I'm going to be going over first here today why anxiety feels stuck in us.

Gina Ryan (1:43): And then the next episode, I'm gonna talk about why the world feels overwhelming. And lastly, I will talk about how to stay hopeful anyway because there is a lot of negativity that is keeping you anxious, and I want you to learn how to gently shift it. So negativity is not something to judge or try to push away or get rid of, you know, banish it forever because that won't happen. It is though something that we need to understand because negativity will always find a way to creep into our lives from time to time. It's part of being human.

Gina Ryan (2:27): That's the part of having a mind that is trying to protect you. It's there for a reason. But when negativity starts showing up more often or sticking around longer than it needs to, that's when anxiety can begin to rise. So today we're going to gently explore how negativity fuels our anxiety, how it can quietly hold you back, and most importantly, how you can begin to shift it softly, kindly, and realistically. So let's start off with the nature of negativity.

Gina Ryan (3:12): Negativity is not a flaw. Like I said, we don't need to banish it and actually we couldn't. It's not something that means you're doing anything wrong. Your brain, my brain, everyone's brain is wired with something called a negativity bias. I know you've heard me talk about that here before.

Gina Ryan (3:36): It is why we are always scanning for problems, for threats, for what might go wrong, because that's its job to keep you safe. But here's the challenge. What was once helpful for survival back with our ancestors can now become overwhelming in our modern life Because now the threats are not wild animals that truly are life and death situations. No, we are now stuck with things like thoughts. And I'm talking about thoughts like, What if I fail?

Gina Ryan (4:17): Do you see that is not equivalent to a wild animal? But the body is reacting as if it is. Other thoughts we have are things like, What if something goes wrong? Again, it's in the future. Or the big one, What if I can't handle it?

Gina Ryan (4:36): And when those thoughts repeat, they don't just stay in your mind. Like I said, they move into your body. And this is where the anxiety cycle begins. What we're talking about here is that old fear adrenaline fear cycle that you have heard me talk about on the show many times before. It's a negative thought appearing and then your body reacting with tension, with a quickened heartbeat, or with a sense of unease, or all three, or more.

Gina Ryan (5:14): And then your mind says, See, I knew it. Something must be wrong. So now the mind is involved. It is thinking about our bodily sensations. If we were running from a wild animal, we would not be thinking about, Oh, my heart's racing.

Gina Ryan (5:35): I wonder what that means. And our mind would not be saying, See, something must be wrong. We would be taking care of business and running for our lives. But we are not. We are opening an email or seeing a call come in on our phone or our boss coming into our office.

Gina Ryan (5:55): He is probably maybe not the first person you'd want to see coming in grumbling, but he's definitely not a wild animal. So, we have let our body take us back as if we were our ancestors and dealing with life or death situations when we are not. These are thoughts. They are emails. They are simply questions and things in our lives.

Gina Ryan (6:24): And that is how the cycle keeps going. The body got involved and then the mind makes a story about why the body is feeling like that. This is how negativity can quietly keep you stuck. Not because those thoughts are true, but because your body believes them. There's a saying you may have heard, if you think you can't, you're right.

Gina Ryan (6:51): And while that may sound a little harsh, there's something important in it because persistent negative thinking can make you hesitate, can keep you from trying. It can convince you that you're not capable or that something is wrong when it isn't. So that old saying, if you think you can't, you're right, is true. You have defeated yourself just with the thinking. And over time, you may begin to build your life around avoiding discomfort, avoiding risk, avoiding uncertainty, and that's where life can begin to feel smaller, more restricted, and definitely more anxious.

Gina Ryan (7:46): But I do have some good news here. You are not stuck with your thoughts. You don't have to fight them or eliminate them. Not that you could, but you don't even have to try. You can change your relationship with their thoughts.

Gina Ryan (8:03): And this is where things really begin to shift. Because the goal is not to become a perfectly positive person. That's not realistic and honestly, it's not even helpful. The goal is something much more gentle. The goal is to bring in more balance, to create a little more space between you and the negativity, and to give your nervous system moments of safety and calm.

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Gina Ryan (13:38): Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com/coaches. Go to shopify.com/coaches. That's shopify.com/coaches. Your thoughts influence your feelings, and I want you to understand the power of just having a slight shift here, how that can be so helpful. Your feelings influence your actions.

Gina Ryan (14:08): Right? So first, we have the thoughts are influencing your feelings. Your feelings are influencing your actions, and your actions shape your life. So when you begin to gently shift your thoughts even just a little, you begin to change the direction that you are heading. Now that's not gonna happen overnight, but gradually and in a way that actually feels sustainable.

Gina Ryan (14:37): This isn't something difficult or impossible. So I have five gentle ways to shift negativity. Let's go through some simple practices that you can begin using. And I want you to take what resonates and leave the rest. Please leave behind what does not jive with you.

Gina Ryan (15:02): And remember, this is not about doing it perfectly. That perfectionism will get you into trouble. And that's another subject for an entire episode, right? So first off, let's visualize something that feels safe. You know, when your negative thoughts start to spiral, you don't have to argue with them.

Gina Ryan (15:27): You don't have to reason with them. You don't have to eliminate them. But instead, you can gently redirect your mind. Bring up an image. Let's use your mind's eye here.

Gina Ryan (15:43): Bring up an image that feels peaceful, that feels comforting, something that feels very familiar so you feel safe. It could be something like a quiet beach, a favorite chair, a memory of feeling safe. And not everyone is good at visualizing, I understand that, but you can still do this exercise by thinking about it. Let your body feel the quiet beach, the comfy chair, or the memory of being safe and sound, even if it's only for a few seconds. Because your nervous system responds to what you imagine.

Gina Ryan (16:35): The next thing that you can do is to write it down. You know I was going to talk about journaling somewhere in this episode, so here it is. Journaling is incredibly powerful. It's not just for releasing what's heavy, but for retraining your attention. Yes, you can vent in your journal, but I'd like you to also try this.

Gina Ryan (17:00): At the end of your entry, write down one thing that went well, one thing that you are grateful for, and one thing that you handled better than you think. Now, isn't forcing positivity, but it is me asking you to find the things in your life that went well, things you're grateful for, or things that you could handle. Because you have all these, I know you do, but you don't pay attention to them because it is the negativity that gets our attention first. It grabs us. And often we can spend our entire day in that negativity bias looking for trouble when there isn't even any trouble to be found.

Gina Ryan (17:58): Our imagination will conjure something up. So I don't want you to force positivity, but I want you to notice what you do have. What went well, what you're grateful for, or something that you did handle and you handled it better than you thought you would. And write it down. There's the beauty and the power in writing.

Gina Ryan (18:27): Use your phone app if you need to or your computer, But if you can put pen to paper, you know that that is the first thing that I would like you to be able to do. Really give this some attention. We're retraining where your attention is going to go. And if we let it just run as it is, it's going to go negative. Because first of all, we're born with the negativity bias.

Gina Ryan (18:56): Right? And then secondly, if you are listening to this show, you are probably already involved in some anxious moments or days and you are automatically going to be looking for where the trouble is so that you can solve it. So, we need to retrain our attention. And I love the idea of writing it down because we're actually stopping then and saying, I'm going to think about something else. And you may have to write down in the front of your journal, what went well?

Gina Ryan (19:34): Let me answer that question. What am I grateful for? Let me answer that question. Put those down so that you can go to them because the negative mind will not go there on its own. You have to invite it.

Gina Ryan (19:50): So I want you to notice what's already here in your world. And the next thing is to relax the body first. This is really important because negativity grows louder when your body is stressed. So instead of trying to think your way out of it, try this. Take a slow breath.

Gina Ryan (20:16): Let the inhale be what it is and let the exhale be longer and slower. And as you're doing that, drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw and soften your belly. Spending even a minute or two doing this can really allow the body to relax a little tiny bit. Not perfectly, but enough so that when the body begins to soften, the mind will begin to follow. This is what we want because when our body is stressed, when we are clenched down, when we are tight, filled with tension, the mind goes there too.

Gina Ryan (21:08): That's when it goes negative. So we have to reverse this. Let the body lead the way with a slower breath, relaxed shoulders, an unclenched jaw, and a softened belly. It's not complicated, but you need to actually do it. And then I have an idea for you to use gentle affirmations.

Gina Ryan (21:35): And affirmations don't have to be big or bold. They can be quiet. They can be simple and grounding. Small things like, I am safe right here, right now. Another one is this feeling will pass.

Gina Ryan (21:57): And the one I like and the one I'd love to have you train your mind to come to first, I can handle this moment. I can handle it. Say them slowly. Let them land in your body. Let them be an anchor, not a demand, but let them be something that keep you grounded.

Gina Ryan (22:21): And finally, come back to the present moment because negativity often lives in the past. It's asking all the time, What went wrong? Or negativity is, on the other hand, living in the future. What might go wrong? But peace and calm is found right here.

Gina Ryan (22:48): So gently ask yourself, what is actually happening right now? Not the story and not the fear. Just this present moment. We ignore the present moment to the point that everybody is feeling stressed and anxious because we are living in those questions of what went wrong and what might go wrong. But what is reality is this moment.

Gina Ryan (23:22): And if you can ask that to yourself, what is actually happening to me right now? Not the story, not the fear, just this moment. And often, you'll find that right now, you're okay. Ask yourself that right now. I bet you're really okay.

Gina Ryan (23:45): You don't need to become your own worst critic. You've probably done that long enough. What would it feel like to become your own advocate instead? To speak to yourself with kindness, to allow space for imperfection, to recognize what you're actually learning. Let's take a moment together if you're able.

Gina Ryan (24:14): Just gently bring your awareness to your breath. Nothing to change, just noticing. And quietly ask yourself, have I been believing every negative thought as truth? What might shift if I held them more lightly? What would it feel like to offer myself a little more kindness today?

Gina Ryan (24:45): No pressure to answer, just an invitation. I want you to remember you are not your negative thoughts. They come and they go. And with a little awareness and a lot of kindness, you can begin to change how they move through you and that changes everything. If this episode resonated with you, you might find even more support inside the ACP group coaching membership.

Gina Ryan (25:19): You can learn more about it at anxietycoachespodcast.com. And until next time, be kind to yourself and remember, you are doing better than you think. And now for today's quote. You don't have to believe everything you think. And that's from Byron Katie.

Unknown Speaker (25:46): I'll be back in a few more days with another podcast. Until then, be well and aloha.

Unknown Speaker (25:54): Thanks so much for joining us for today's episode of the Anxiety Coaches Podcast. Find more information at the anxietycoachespodcast.com.