1286: Stop Trying to Control What You Can't Change: The Three Circles of Anxiety
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- Understanding the three circles of anxiety helps you stop trying to control what you cannot change and directs your energy where it actually belongs.
- The circle of concern includes everything you care about, but caring deeply about an outcome does not mean you have direct control over it.
- Anxiety often traps us in overthinking and worry, making us believe we are responsible for other people's reactions, opinions, and future events.
- Your circle of control is strictly limited to what is in your hands, such as your own responses, attention, and the choice to pause before acting.
- True emotional freedom comes from learning how to care about situations and people without carrying the heavy burden of trying to manage everything.
In today's episode, Gina discusses the three circles of anxiety: the circle of concern, the circle of influence and the circle of control. These three principles, when understood correctly, can really help one to cool unnecessary anxiety and optimize one's thoughts and behavior. Focus your energy on what you can change, let go of the rest. Listen in for helpful insights on these powerful organizational principles for your mind and start living better today!
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Quote:
You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
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Chapters
0:27 Boundaries and Control
2:35 The Three Circles
5:48 Anxiety’s Control Trap
7:39 Sorting a Critical Comment
12:27 Caring Without Carrying
15:32 Practicing Letting Go
19:26 Returning to What’s Yours
Summary
In this episode we continue our discussion of boundaries and focus on the idea that boundaries are about more than saying no. We look at how anxious thinking often takes responsibility for too many things, including other people’s reactions, opinions, and future outcomes.
We revisit the three circles framework: circle of concern, circle of influence, and circle of control. We explain that concern includes many things we care about, but caring about something does not mean we can control it. Influence includes the ways our words, actions, and choices may affect a situation, while control is limited to what is actually in our hands, such as our responses, attention, and whether we pause before acting.
We also look at how anxiety tries to enlarge our sense of control through worry, overthinking, and replaying conversations. We use the example of receiving a critical comment and sort the situation into the three circles, showing that the other person’s opinion is concern, while our response and boundaries are within our control.
Finally, we emphasize that the goal is not to stop caring, but to care without carrying everything. We practice asking what belongs to concern, influence, or control, and return to what is ours to do in the present moment. The episode closes with encouragement to treat this as an ongoing practice and to let go of what is not ours to manage.
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Gina🌺
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the three circles of anxiety?
The three circles of anxiety are the circle of concern, the circle of influence, and the circle of control. They are organizational principles designed to help you sort your thoughts and focus your energy only on what you can actually change.
How does anxiety make it harder to let go of control?
Anxiety creates a control trap by tricking your mind into overthinking, worrying, and replaying past conversations. This false sense of responsibility makes you feel like you must manage other people's reactions and future outcomes.
What is the difference between concern and control in anxiety management?
Concern encompasses everything that matters to you and captures your attention, whereas control is strictly limited to your own direct actions, boundaries, and internal responses in the present moment.
