1284: What If They Don't Like Me: Anxiety, Boundaries and Self-Trust
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- Understanding and maintaining social boundaries and anxiety triggers allows you to keep your sense of self intact during interactions.
- A healthy boundary is not a wall or a punishment, but rather a clear expression of what you are and are not comfortable with.
- Anxiety often stems from trying to mind-read others, worrying about what they think, and reacting to your own discomfort after a boundary has been crossed.
- Learning to separate cold facts from your own internal interpretations helps reduce prolonged worry over brief social interactions.
- Practicing small boundaries and allowing yourself to occasionally disappoint others is essential for building self-trust and emotional wellness.
In today's episode, Gina discusses social boundaries and how a variety of social cues can trigger anxiety, especially when we are not cognizant of our boundaries or how to manage them for maximum wellness. Understanding and maintaining our boundaries enables us to keep our sense of self intact and communicate this sense of self to others. Simple phrases to use while interacting with others to help you maintain healthy boundaries are provided.
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Quote:
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.
-Brené Brown
Chapters
0:27 Boundary Crossings and Self-Trust
2:18 Beyond Boundary Phrases
4:55 Stop Mind-Reading Others
7:41 Facts Versus Interpretations
10:20 Simple Boundary Phrases
12:37 Feeling Uncomfortable Is Normal
14:25 Allowed to Disappoint Others
16:28 Practice Small Boundaries
18:09 Caring Without Abandoning Yourself
19:25 Return to Yourself
Summary
In this episode we talk about boundaries and how they relate to anxiety. We focus on what happens when someone makes a comment about our clothing, food, time, or life choices, and how a brief uncomfortable moment can turn into hours or days of worry.We explain that a boundary is not a wall or a punishment.
It is a way of saying what we are and are not comfortable with. We also look at the difference between responding because something matters to us and explaining ourselves because we cannot tolerate disapproval.A main theme is self-trust. We discuss how anxiety often comes from trying to figure out what other people think and from reacting to our own discomfort after a boundary is crossed.
We separate facts from interpretations and note that other people’s opinions are not something we have to fix or manage.We also offer simple phrases for the moment, such as saying we are comfortable, that we would rather not discuss something, or that something works for us. We encourage saying it once, allowing silence, and noticing the urge to over-explain.Finally, we describe the practice of allowing discomfort, disappointment, and misunderstanding without abandoning ourselves. The goal is not to stop caring what others think, but to care without giving up our own comfort or self-respect.
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Gina🌺
Frequently Asked Questions
How do social boundaries and anxiety connect?
When we lack awareness of our boundaries, everyday social cues regarding our time, food, or life choices can trigger anxiety and lead to hours or days of worry.
What is the difference between a boundary and a wall?
A boundary is simply a way of communicating what you are comfortable with to protect your well-being, whereas a wall is used as a form of punishment or isolation.
How can I stop over-explaining when setting a boundary?
You can use simple phrases like stating what works for you, saying it just once, allowing comfortable silence, and resisting the urge to manage other people's disapproval.
Why do I feel so anxious when someone might not like me?
Anxiety often arises from an inability to tolerate disapproval, leading us to abandon our own self-respect in an attempt to please everyone else.
